Mindless method continued

So it continues-- but I will need a better weekend plan so I don't get myself thrown off track.

The one thing I can say is that I've kept up my promise to myself to eschew all eating upstairs in my house and have not eaten one thing in bed.

Does eating in bed sound as disgusting and vile to you as it does to me now?  I guess I'm just associating eating in bed with all of the bad eating habits that I want to change and finding it really an abhorrent thing to do.  It is working for me to think like that.

I am struggling a bit with getting my water in- and that seems kind of dumb, just drink water! (But I guess I need a more solid plan and to be sure I HAVE water to drink....as in bottled, because I won't drink the water at my work.)

The other thing is that I've been so successful with the no eating in bed rule, I know that I could come up with another rule: drink a full glass of water before consuming anything.

But that is harder for me than you might think.  I guess if it is a bit difficult and uncomfortable, it may be the right change?

I will go back and check-- I have the method's web address guiding me, and the questions on there that I need to review daily are:

Am I following my solutions?

Did I drink my water?

Eating healthy?

Exercising?

My solutions are:

1) Serve yourself in style-- and this has had the big morph into 'don't eat in bed'-- so it is not completely fixed or finished.

Other aspects of serving in style are using great plates and utensils, smaller dishes etc.

NOT eating standing up, not eating at my desk.  Another habit I really have to change.

2) Share your mindless plan-- I promised myself to blog daily.  Not entirely there yet... but doing it most days.

3) Turn snack time into exercise time.  

I am not there yet either.  But I am working at it, first step is this blog and the recollection that I need to get back to this solution.

The idea is to break the cycle of snacking and take a little walk, fold the laundry, clean a sink or something for a few minutes INSTEAD of snacking.

Back to it!! These are all so good and simple, and as the others on this website say:

Do them as they are give, don't take on too much at a time.

And they are right-- I've been riffing on things and getting confused when the solutions are totally there for me...

Here they are, copied from the website:

Share Your Mindless Plan

Tell your friends and family that you have made a commitment to your Mindless Method plan, and let them know the Solutions you're working on. Wear a wristband or shirt or other reminder and declaration of your commitment. The simple act of telling people will make you far more likely to stick with your plan. You'll also be more likely to get the cooperation and support of the people around you, which can be a very big boost.

Serve Yourself in First-Class Style Whenever You Eat

Even if you're only eating a few crackers, feed yourself the way you'd serve an honored guest - good china, silverware, folded napkin, the works. Pay attention to "presentation" of the food on the dish. You are likely to eat less and enjoy it more because you made a fuss and because it looks good.

Turn Snack Time into Active Time

Exercise at a time when you usually snack. You don't need to do anything strenuous, you just have to move your body in ways that don't involve chewing and swallowing. Climb a flight of stairs or two, take a short but brisk walk, or do some light calisthenics and stretching. You'll feel better than if you ate, and you'll burn calories instead of adding them.

Many habits, much to fix...

 many habits... so much time

Cross post from Mindless eating method...

 

One of the things I am appreciating today is that I will be able to conquer many habits with this program over time.  I started out with the 3 month plan, but I have a feeling that if I stick with it and let the gentle 'mindless' program work with and for me-- I'll be sticking around.

For the 3 or 4th night in a row (since I began this) I have NOT brought food upstairs, have not eaten in bed and have thusly, cut way back on after dinner snacking.

I am noting that there are other bugaboos that I'll need to deal with-- for example: I'll say out loud to myself "I don't eat when I am standing up!!" and then stop what I am picking at.

In addition: I am struggling with some stress right now and was at work today, noshing much of the day (can you say -- 'all day grazer'?) So: while I'd say that 85% of the time, I am in control of what I'm eating at work-- there is that other percent of the time when I am eventually going to need to work on a rule of NOT eating at my desk and serving myself at my conference table (I am lucky to have one in my office.)

Bottom line: there are so many ways to take this-- but I am definitely handling a HUGE impact issue from the start.  The snacking post dinner time has been cut to the barest minimum (I did have a small and special little dessert 'bite' that I made for my son and me-- but we ate it at the table and on tiny little espresso cup saucers.  It was a square of ghiradelli 72% chocolate, about a teaspoon of peanut butter topped with a stove top roasted marshmallow... smore without the graham cracker. Mmmm.  But that's it!

Nothing more tonight.

In the past, I might have returned to the kitchen at least 1 or 2 more times, and I definitely would have put together a little 'snack bag' for my bedside table. Ugh!!! (it would have had a piece of cheese and some chips and then I would have eaten 3 Ghiradelli chocolate squares as well.  As you can see-- this was hundreds of calories each night and I don't think I am replacing those-- so I expect to peel off some pounds over time with a consistent approach.

The other super power of mindless eating for me is sitting at the table-- it has confronted eating for other reasons than food.  When you only eat at the table, and limit distractions at that table, low and behold, eating gets more focused and you eat less.  Crazy!!

Hi my name is dinnerland -and I create my own nail polish colors

I combined some black with pink and now I have a cool gray!

Re-post from Mindless eating blog

** Promised link to the site and disclaimer from me:

http://www.mmethodeating.com/

There you go-- I have to say, I did pay for a 3 month starting membership, because I've heard a lot about Wansink, and even had a nutritionist quote to me about his methods some time back.  I considered getting his book on Mindless Eating to guide me-- but I read reviews online and learned that the book is a bit more academic rather than a guide to applying his program in real life. So, instead: I bought the online program, which gave me an assessment and some key tools to apply the tools.
IF you are ready, willing and able to try to apply some psychological steam to your efforts (it is not an 'intuitive eating' program at all!!!) - I recommend it, but please know that I am not endorsing it, nor am I working for this site in any way. I will have no gain if you decide to go ahead and try it out with me EXCEPT that I'd love to know if anyone is doing it so we can support each other.

That said: since I am so into using the site, I am also posting a blog on there-- and rather than rewriting posts for this blog, I figure I'll just cross post when I do blog on that site.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

I've just begun my mMethod eating program- but I have been a 'dieter' and weight watcher my whole life.

I can feel this program's efficacy in the discomfort that I am in based on the habit shift that I am working on.  Among my 3 identified eating issues to start with, I was noted to be a 'Snack Grazer'... and it was really dead on with a bit of a twist.

I don't nosh all day-- but I have come to be eating about 2/3rd's of my calories between the time I return home during the week and before I go to bed. And let me admit right here: even eating IN bed (almost nightly.) Bleh.  From the outside looking in, I really think that is a disgusting habit (sorry to those who struggle with it as well....I just really want to stop this altogether.)

Anyhow: I believe that the weekend will be another issue altogether- as I am less busy and confronted with food and food situations more often (another of my problems is that I am a celebrations eater, but following this method, I am working on the snacking first.)

The bottom line is that since I have stood firm on the one solution I made (though there are others too) to abstain from eating in bed and upstairs in my house: I have noticed my scale begin to drop and my confidence rise.  This method works, and I've only just begun.

Another thing I've noticed is how uncomfortable it makes me to NOT eat upstairs and in bed-- and it is taking some effort to avoid habitually doing it.  Even further: when I got frustrated with my 8 year old last evening (he is having some difficulty going to sleep at night that we are working on right now)-- I just wanted to have a snack afterwards.  But I knew that I'd have to go to the dark kitchen and sit at the table and eat it by myself.  I didn't want "THAT" snack-- I wanted the comfort of the snack where I am sitting in bed or in a chair, reading or vegging out and eating.  NOPE.  I avoided it.

So, I continue onward with the solutions that make me feel  bit uncomfortable and challenge my well worn habits-- and I see a definite, if small and significant shift. 

Mindless eating, some great lessons!

I went to the mindless eating site (by Brian Wansink) and am using a bunch of advice I have gotten from their membership tools.
Quite amazing-- and many things that might be intuitive for a lot of us.

I took their quiz and chose one 'priority' issue to deal with first: "All Day Grazing and Snacking."
The translation for me is truly "Grazing and Snacking AFTER dinnertime"-- but the solutions remain the same.

I committed to eating only a my table (not in my car, upstairs anywhere in my house, not the basement, not the couch and NOT in front of the TV!), talking to my husband about what I'm doing and blogging it, and doing something DIFFERENT than what I typically do during 'snack' time.

I am happy to report that after just 3 days, this 'mindless' approach (as in, dealing with the mindless eating that is one's undoing by focusing on 1 bad habit at a time) is working nicely.  I am feeling returning confidence, my clothes are feeling the slightest bit looser, and the scale, which had shot up a few scary pounds, is coming back down...

So, I move onward, as this updated approach is really helping me get my mojo back and it FEELS so right.  I can tell I've chosen a good habit to break because it is uncomfortable to NOT snack elsewhere in my house-- and frankly, I am tempted to eat a lot less when I have to face myself and my family at the kitchen table.
Translation: I now know for certain that I have been using food to entertain and soothe myself... and once I require myself to sit at a table and eat, it is less 'fun' and more eat for fuel (enjoy a nice meal, all the same, but so much less to it) than anything else.

I highly recommend reading up on Brian Wansink if you don't know about him... I will try to link some articles about him and his research-- he is NO gimmick, he is the real deal and has done tons of research on how to help mould your environment and your lifestyle to support ongoing healthy habits.

Note: his program is no magic bullet-- and he anticipates that a person following his program without a specific and set diet plan will lose a pound or two per month.... but if you know me well: You will know that I wouldn't ask for more than that.  I have always believed that slow and steady wins the race-- and I simply do not have it in me to crash diet anymore.
I am no long 27 years old and looking for approval of others by being one of the thinner girls-- now I am doing this for me, my health and my wardrobe!!  So, onward I go.

Yay!!

Been remiss and absent

I have to say, I miss my old blog-- and I have tried to get in touch with Blogger to get back into Dinnerland, but I really need to let that go already.

I've been struggling, struggling to find my groove-- and perhaps I've found it, but I am not seeing anything at the scales yet.  Strangely enough, several people asked me if I've lost weight when I am sure I haven't since my clothes are fitting the same.
WTF?

Whatever: I am not giving up, which is my favorite theme, as you know.
I am quite distressed that my thinnest clothes in my closet are super tight-- I could wear a lot of them, but I find it to be a punishing reminder of the backslide.

Nevertheless: I continue my work.

My newest theory, which is not a new theory, but an attempt to go with some of the basic knowledge that is 'proven', is to try to eat the same things (more or less) on a daily basis.  This takes a lot of the decision making and calorie counting out.

My plan is also based on me deciding when to eat, when hungry-- so it wouldn't be useful to call things breakfast, lunch or dinner...here goes with what I am considering:

coffee w/ milk, creamer through the day--
1/2 scooped out/ toasted bagel w/ lite cream cheese and jam or marmalade-- found a bagel that has 5.5 grams of protein per half with 150 calories before I scoop out the soft part of the bagel
egg/ veggie 'cup' (I am experimenting with making these with a combo of egg/ egg whites, lite cheese, spinach, tomato in cupcake pans-- then freezing them to be unfrozen for a protein snack sometime during the day)-- somewhere between 100-150 calories
fruit serving-- and any additional fruit if hungry
protein w/ veg for 'evening meal' (dressing allowed on salad)
option: glass of wine (this uses anywhere from 150 to 200 calories, so not every day)
dessert of protein bar or 2 pc's ghiradelli chocolate

Clearly: the calorie count could be variable based on the structured choices, but here would be a sample day (taken partially from where I am at in my day so far):

Coffee w/ tbs hazelnut creamer and splash of milk-(counting for whole day, in case I have more)
     100 calories
1/2 bagel w/ cc/ jam
     150
Egg/ veggie cup
     150
Fruit (watermelon)
     80
Protein w/ veg (Sushi dinner)
     600
Wine
     200
Protein bar
     200

~1500 calories

I would like to see how that rolls out and that counts on consistency on my part... so I can't say that I will be 100% on target all the time-- but I am going to do my very best.  I've filled the structured eating with foods I enjoy and choices, but not too many so as to confuse.  I've also filled the day with choices I can find ANYWHERE, when are you out and cannot find a bagel or a roll? Or a piece of fruit? Or at dinner where there isn't fish with vegetables ( my preference.)
As for dessert-- I'll keep that at home, so I can control it, and I don't need a 200 calorie protein bar each night, but it is there.  I can just as easily have a cup of tea with milk and honey and perhaps no sweet (we'll see) or 1 pc of dark chocolate.

I'll report back, but I want my pride in myself and my sense of self as a thin and proud of it person back-- I don't have that now because I have gone into that cycle of 'try/ fail/ be depressed/ try again'.  Urgh.
To end on a positive note: what I'm planning is doable with my band, all I need to do is DO IT.

I got behind in posting!!

Hey there, things are still status quo with me- working on solutions to always do better.
Going off on a weekend trip, excited!
Pictures to follow.
:-)

I loves me some sweating

Yep- just in time for my spa stay cation, I am having a running renaissance !
I guess I'm about due, I've accidentally worked my way up to running again through my walking program.
I love running! And this is a strenuous activity that I am good at.
I am hoping that I've stumbled upon a good combo- eating much less wih the help of my band and hard workouts.

I know jax, gen and do many of my her advisor / supporters have been advocating this course for a whole, now I am buying!

Little adjustments... challenging habits

So, I find that I'm trying to bring things together-- my slightly increased activity level (I'm working on a daily goal of 3600 Nike Fuel, which is up from last week) and my work to decrease unnecessary snacking, nourish my body with healthy options before anything else... and limit alcohol during the week (essentially: stop any drinking on weekdays to save calories.)

I think that if I can consistently work on these things-- including being mindful about WHAT I am eating, I can make some progress.  It won't be quick, but it is an adjustment in my health and well-being and I should see some changes.
I'll keep at it.

For the remainder of the day:
No alcohol
Healthy dinner/ small dessert allowed
Brush and floss
No night snacking
Already met my Nikefuel goal for the day!

Keep what works, adjust the rest

I have never been a fan of touchy feely 'love yourself' stuff-- but the idea of accepting mistakes and moving ahead, while also acknowledging results is a great one.
The key to all of that above working is a CONSISTENT approach-- and that is what I typically lack.

In any case: yesterday, some of my plans worked, some didn't.

So I will keep what works and adjust the rest.
Here goes:
What worked:
-I had a great smoothie for breakfast, totally righteous and healthy with parsley, berries and fage 2%
-I did not drink any alcohol
-I did not eat any dessert
-I ate a small meal when I got home/ and then another small snack before bed
-I managed to stay under 1500 calories (but I was aiming for 1200)
-Showered in the evening right after returning home-- gave me time to consider what to eat for dinner rather than just busting in and eating whatever I grabbed

What needs adjusting:
-I ate too much early in the day, which made me feel trapped and that I didn't 'have much left' by the end of the day, which then challenged me and made it harder
-I ate hummus and raw yellow peppers for dinner (YAY!) but also ate it with 2 slices crisp bacon (which I love) and about 2 cups of Pirate's booty for my snack
-The whole day probably had way too much sodium, I wound up eating 25% sodium reduced (but still salty) chicken noodle soup, the bacon and the 'booty', makes me feel bloated today

So what's today's plan:
-Smoothie for morning meal (I have about 16 oz of smoothie that I prepped for hubs and me-- he loves the morning smoothie, which encourages me to make it for both of us!), so this can be two mini-meals at some point in the morning): again, a very healthy prep with 2% fage, light soy milk as a 'base', mixed berries and peaches and a few sprigs of mint- yum!  Water is also part of the base, so I get some additional water in the mix
-No alcohol (one day at a time to skip this habitual glass of wine during the week which is unneeded calories)
-Shower in the evening to gather thoughts about appropriate dinner
-Add a veggie to dinner
-Water and mind the sodium!!!
-Keep track of eating to aim for under 1500 calories-- looking more towards 1300 or less

DId I tell y'all about the equestrian leggings?

Well, if I didn't-- here they are!  I found them online and became totally obsessed with them and had to have them... this is me yesterday morning before I went on a hearty hike with an old friend of mine.
It was great-- and if you're wondering why I am wearing those boots: you probably don't hike or are not allergic to poison ivy or enjoy getting your feet wet.
(But if that makes no sense, I'm wearing the boots in the thick of summer because ticks are an issue with exposed skin and ticks carry disease (ick), I am highly allergic to poison ivy so exposed skin is a double no-no, AND I hate hiking, running or walking when my feet get wet.)

Anywho: today is a planned smoothie/ soup day.

Here's the plan:
-Mixed berry smoothie with 2% fage base--w/ parsley for breakfast (already have had half this morning)
-Smoothie or protein shake for lunch
-Smoothie or soup for dinner
-Coffee, lo cal beverages through the day
-Water, of course
-Protein bar if wanting a 'treat'
Goal: respond to hunger and nourish myself with planned nutritious smoothies as above.
No deprivation!

NO alcohol as per my during the week (as per my previous plans)
Additionally: and you may think this nuts to even plan out, but: I am switching my shower time to evenings as of today.  This takes up some of that open 'snack time' away in the evening, and will encourage a really solid job of brushing and flossing my teeth- that would subsequently make me miserable to eat anything afterwards because of ruined taste buds.
Smart, eh?

Why am I on liquids today, you may be asking...
I am doing this to simplify my eating, and because I can do it during the week... it's pretty easy to do and I love the idea of all of the easy and healthy nutrients I can get in (fruits, veggies, dairy. non-meat proteins) very easily.
That: and I feel like a little adjustment of my overall solid food choices is in order to help me out-- so: voila.

I am also 1 week away from my stay-cation, during which I intend to 'spa-bliss' it out at my very own home.  I don't want to go into the stay-cation feeling not at my most healthy and tip top starting shape. I like to spend stay-cations (haven't had one in quite some time) focusing on me, my health, my exercise and organizing my life.  I won't feel as good if I don't go in from a more balanced place.

Anyway: hope this all makes sense. I'll be back later or tomorrow to report back on the day of yummy smoothie/ shakes...

Planning planning

Ronnie asked how yesterday went in terms of my planning...
My report back is that I had the smoothie for breakfast, and then all hell broke loose with a really bad migraine screwing the better part of my day.
I drank coffee and a diet pepsi in the morning (some water, but probably not enough) and in the afternoon I ate 1/2 protein bar and then several handfuls of smartfood popcorn. (I know that this is not what anyone would say is a super balanced and healthy day-- but I didn't eat a great deal.)

Got home from work and went right out to dinner, where I ate healthily, but too much overall b/c I didn't eat enough earlier: salad w/ grilled chicken and a few bits of escarole with sausage appetizer-- and a piece of bread. Had a glass of wine AND frozen yogurt for dessert.
Not my best day but hardly the world's greatest disaster either.

On to today, Saturday-- weekend days are typically a bit more challenging b/c of more opportunity with free time to eat and even be bored.

This day is pretty busy, though: hubs has to go to man TKD testing at our school, so I will be with little one in the morning...
I need to take the doggie for a nice walkie-- perhaps intersperse some running into that walk to boost my exercise.
And then from 5pm to 8pm, hubs (and I) are running a 'parent's night out' at TKD school, long story.  So we'll be busy then... will have a snack before and eat some dinner afterwards.

The plan for today is to AVOID boredom eating, get 3600 Nikefuel (which is a bump from this week's daily goal of 3100, which I then raised to 3200) and hold the line.  Focus on drinking lots of water and crystal light type low cal drinks... my migraine may have been from relative dehydration, not sure.
My key opportunities for accelerating weight loss are typically during the week... AND: glory day-- I have a week off in the Labor Day week.
I especially plan that to be a special spa, me pampering, exercise daily type of week.  Looking forward to and gearing up for that as well by upping my cardio so that I'll be able to really work it out.

Limiting the chaos with a plan

Here is today's plan-- slightly modified for today.
If I can get myself into the discipline of setting an intention for the day-- I think that would be great... so that's what I'll be trying!

A1) Smoothie for breakfast - all prepped and ready to go already! It is a 2% Fage with fresh strawberries and peaches; ~200 calories; 20 grams of protein and a great way to begin the day.  Will bring this along to work and have mid-morning.
1) Continue with the re-up of the 'no alcohol during the week' plan. It is pretty easy, a very limited 'sacrifice' and saves me hundreds of calories per day.
2) Allow myself dessert in the form of the Ghiradelli chocolates-- but eat it as late as possible, literally hold off until right before bed. That way, if I want more than one piece, the damage will be limited by my tiredness and wanting to go to sleep!
3) Stick with liquids in the morning-- wait for lunch.  (Anyone who doesn't have a lap band and conventional wisdom says this is a bad idea, but it works for me).  If hungry earlier, have a laughing cow light or a few spoonfuls of greek yogurt.
4) Eat a protein heavy lunch that works with the band: Tofu is great for me.  And try to get a fruit  or veggie serving in with lunch.
5) Keep at it, every day is a new opportunity to stick with my plans and do right by my body-- don't look back and regret, look ahead and plan!
6) Continue with the Nike fuel band-- I am meeting my daily goal, which is now 3200 per day-- I think I'll up to a goal of 3500 for the weekend.

Food toxicity and chaos

Yes, that's about right.  I wish I could tell you all that I have this sucker licked- but somewhere along the line between getting my period and being hormonal (I think it does have an effect on my hunger and cravings) and being pissy and in a bad mood, I fell off the eating track and started eating chocolate without regard to the fact that chocolate is really fattening. Grrrr.

OK, back to reality.

And that's what it really is: reality.
See: what happens is that I go into a denial state where I 'just don't care' about what I'm eating (even though, thanks to the band, I cannot eat high volume amounts of carbs and mountains of food, and that really does help me).  Then I overeat the wrong foods for a few days, without regard to the fact that my weight will swing upwards-- and I can actually see the change in the mirror.
Yes: if I am really looking and paying attention, I can see the changes in my flesh! And of course, my clothes go from feeling comfortable to being too tight.

I really hate this. I really find it confusing too.
I get that it is important not to berate myself or start 'dieting' (it is SOOOOOO tempting to think: oh I'll just go on  a 1200 calorie day diet-- I will drop weight like nobody's business!!!!).  The trick is to not to start a 'diet' (which implies impermanence) but to "Re-up" (do you like how that is the name of my blog now, since I have been locked out of Dinnerland?)

It may be just semantics, but these semantics really are important to me.  I need a PERMANENT feeling to my eating habits, not a feeling of 'crash' dieting.  I must be able to sustain (or at least believe I can sustain) the changes for a reasonable period of time to engage in the change.  Otherwise: it is a set up for failure.  Not sure if this is going to make sense to anyone reading this, but it makes perfect sense to me.

I recall the newness of the liquid diet I went on the first time I prepped for surgery (I actually had to prep TWICE because I had to cancel surgery due to a virus I got right before going in...)  I was able to actually stick with that diet for around 6 or 7 days-- and I dropped some real weight only doing liquids.  But since then, I've never recaptured that same liquid diet mojo.
I recall starting other diets, but each time I've tried to go back to that glory and success-- I can never recapture it.

I've looked back in my Dinnerland blog to see how I succeeded in the past or what I did to get back on track-- and I am doing that again, no matter how flawed.  I would acknowledge that I'd fallen off the track and then I'd pick myself up and start over- being careful and mindful of each thing I put in my mouth.

That is the only way to make it work for me now.
Fortunately: when I do this, I seem to be able to stick myself back on the track for at least a few days... but the chaos comes in because then I fall back off again.  So damn discouraging.

I suppose the best thing to do is to focus on the successes and try to replicate them.  Yesterday was a success.  I waited out eating until later in the morning-- favoring drinking lots of low calorie liquids (low cal pink lemonade, water, coffee) and had a good lunch of tofu with a delicious dressing I made of low fat may, soy sauce, spices etc.  For dinner: I was not even very hungry, and wound up eating a few pieces of deconstructed california roll, about a 1/4 cup of miso soup- and a few bites of chicken and shrimp (I really mean a few bites.)  I skipped alcohol altogether-- a good move during the week that I've been working on... I don't always succeed because having a glass of wine or a drink after work is a bit of a ritual or habit that I am trying to break.
However: I don't need the drink now, work is much better and even enjoyable (!) vs. when I used to come home in the past 2 years and 'need' a drink (ugh.)  This reminds me to re-up the 'no alcohol during the week' rule.
Honesty time: where I fall apart is after dinner, I am still going for chocolate or candy.  Yes: I do have these things in the house and you may ask 'why?'  The reason is that if I don't have them in the house, I'll be tempted to go for even worse choices-- so I keep the 72% Ghiradelli chocolates here and I can limit those... damage limitation. Not taken away, but limited.

So, as I'm writing this god-awful rambling post, I'm realizing a few things that I can use for my continued "Re-up" towards shutting down the chaos of my eating and feeling good and better as I eat right:

1) Re-up the 'no alcohol during the week' plan. It is pretty easy, a very limited 'sacrifice' and saves me hundreds of calories per day.
2) Allow myself dessert in the form of the Ghiradelli chocolates-- but eat it as late as possible, literally hold off until right before bed. That way, if I want more than one piece, the damage will be limited by my tiredness and wanting to go to sleep!
3) Stick with liquids in the morning-- wait for lunch.  (Anyone who doesn't have a lap band and conventional wisdom says this is a bad idea, but it works for me).  If hungry earlier, have a laughing cow light or a few spoonfuls of greek yogurt.
4) Eat a protein heavy lunch that works with the band: Tofu is great for me.  And try to get a fruit  or veggie serving in with lunch.
5) Keep at it, every day is a new opportunity to stick with my plans and do right by my body-- don't look back and regret, look ahead and plan!

And that's all she wrote.

Non food treats

I love me some comfortable weekend clothes... and I love me some Athleta!
I found a great pair of tactical denim pants in their catalogue-- but the idea of spending $148 on a pair of tactical stretch denim jeans just slayed me.

So I went searching on the interwebs and found me some stretch denim/ sports denim equestrian 'tights' jeans that are boot cut and I done went and ordered 'em y'all.
Here is a picture of NOT me-- the model- from the catalogue... I can't wait for these to arrive, and I will share how they turn out.  (These were on sale for $69 per pair, and since they are were on sale, I picked up 2 pairs, thinking that if I love them, I won't be able to find them again-- and if I hate them, they are BOTH going back.)

My hubs, who happens to be a great fashion consultant, was also in on this gig-- he helped me choose the Kerrits pants (that's the brand) vs. Athleta, because he thought the boot cut would be most flattering. He's the best!!

Here is a snap of the Athleta denim that I passed up--Click to see the $148 jean-- I am too lazy to copy that picture.

Also, here I am with 'Sunday on Sunday' (our dog's name is Sunday and it was my dumb idea.)

Sunday actually also is called 'bad kid' in our house- and I often sing her theme song, to the theme from "Bad Boys" (the theme music used on the "Cops" show from a number of years back...):

"Bad kid, bad kid, what ya gonna do?

What ya gonna do when you are a bad kid?"

Good thing I am NOT a lyricist for a living, huh?  

But it is so annoying, it is actually funny.

Off to have a bite to eat and then go for a nice jog with the family - I'll jog and the boys will hunt Pokemon in the neighborhood.

Mindful eating on satellite radio

I just recently re-signed up (I know, I just slayed the grammatical way of putting that) for satellite radio.  For a long time, I didn't have it because when hubs and I switched cars (2 years ago) when I got my new j0b, the sedan didn't have capability to carry Howard 100-- which is what I love to listen to on satellite.  If there was no Howard 100- I would never pay for radio.

I picked the stupidest week to re-up because the Stern show is on vacation- bleh!
So I am listening to some other alternatives-- and last evening I stumbled upon a very annoying but a little informative discussion that was being held on Oprah radio between Geneen Roth and the whoever the host was (don't really care- she wasn't great.)  One note before I begin: so much for a commercial free experience- this particular show went to commercial break approximately every 75 seconds. GRRRR.

That said: I heard Geneen Roth talking about her mindful eating/ blessings of your experience blah blah yada yada stuff.  If you are an experienced blogger, you may recall much hoopla and arguing over the whole mindful and intuitive eating business a few years back.  Many people think that mindful eating is a load of horse manure.

I am on the fence, and as I am aging: I can see I am mellowing from needing to be in one corner or the other about opinions. So I will start out by saying that I am not a 'spiritualist' nor to I subscribe to religious practices (though am culturally very identified as a Jew fo' sho'.)  When I hear talk of God, blessings, prayer: I begin to shut down. That stuff is not meaningful to me.

So I was annoyed by a lot of what I heard from Roth-- I think she is a bit too touchy-feely-blessed-be for   little old me.  However: I was fascinated to listen to just a few of the sentences that actually had verbs I could use (Roth was really hesitant to fess up and say: "Do this"- she preferred a lot of preachy stuff that I didn't go for.  It sounded like: "You can't just fix this problem in a moment, you need to really, really get into your relationship with food, feel it, know it and accept your self.  See your issues as blessings and allow the process to occur."  Writing this causes me to throw up in my mouth a little, having nothing to do with my band.)

But the parts that I liked, as an action oriented girl, were the sentences with the verbs.  Apparently, Roth has identified 7 working steps to eating or something like that. (I'll be hitting my local library to check out a book by her- though I may not be able to make it through her preaching.)
These steps included eating when seated in a peaceful place, undistracted.  Eating only when hungry and stopping eating when SATISFIED.

I love that part: stop when 'satisfied' and I truly love (not being sarcastic, here) the idea of looking to 'satisfaction ' rather than 'fullness.'  I am not entirely sure of what 'satisfaction' is supposed to consist of according to Roth, but to me, I guess when the meal feels like 'enough'-- and you are not bloated and full.

To do the above: you really need to pay attention to what you're eating, and really check in with yourself and you can't ever eat when rushed or without time to find a space to do it in as an act of goodness to yourself (or something like that.)

In the end: I took away a reminder to that TASTING and savoring food is definitely key-- and slowing down is also an imperative.  Even nearly 3 years out from surgery, I still like these reminders-- and while I am really maintaining my weight in this mid 160's zone for some time now (with some struggles where I got a few pounds higher and then got it off)-- I still would ideally like to take off another 10 or even 20 pounds.  But I also want to accept myself and be satisfied with some pretty great weight loss accomplishment and give myself a break and not berate myself for staying the same.  I am much healthier than when I began in terms of losing weight from an all time high of 203.

No matter how simple the basic formula for weight loss in can be boiled down to be (total calories burned must be more than that taken in or used up in activities)-- the execution is the devil .  Or the devil is in the details of the execution of said plan.
And so putting all of the good advice out there together in a working solution that works for me is what is key.

I will never lose weight without paying attention to my over consumption on a day to day basis-- and I think I am maintaining my weight better and more easily now because I am keeping closer track and being more accountable.  And I am exercising more thanx to my nikefuelband.
But it definitely turns up the heat on my review of systems to think AS I am considering what to eat and how much to really say "Do I want this?" and "Am I hungry" and "Am I satisfied" and trying to eat to meet that need.
Intuitive eating can really be screwed up and an excuse for a lot of bad behavior if misinterpreted. It should not be a license to 'treat yourself well with food' and eat 15 cupcakes. Rather: intuitive eating seems to mean the ultimate respect for yourself to really take the time to choose foods that are healthy and satisfying and that make you feel good as you eat them and after you're done.

It may seem like a lot of hooey- but I think it adds value to an overall plan to think about what I really want to eat, whether I want to eat, whether something tastes good enough to eat and when to stop based  on 'am I satisfied' at this point- by slowly eating and checking in frequently.

Eye strain

Yeah, excuses-- but Sandy made a great post and I want to share it with y'all.
I am in maintenance, whether I like it or not... and I ought to be happy that I am maintaining 40 odd pounds off since my surgery. Yahoo!
I'll keep adjusting over time- but I'll also try to be more satisfied with me.

Awesome Sandy post!!

My weight= same

Yep: I am still in the 166 zone. No changes to report here.
I've actually gotten down to weighing in about once every week or so, not sure if it is frustration or denial.
I have seen comments (thanks Gen, for instance) from some of my long-term blog girls who say: be happy, you're doing great! And I appreciate those comments...
But at the same time: I have to admit that I am dissatisfied.
About 10 pounds lighter: I felt 'thin'-- and now I feel flabby.  Ten pounds makes a difference-- but it is hard to get them the hell off.

Here is my latest plan: I've stopped drinking alcohol during the week. And I'm being more careful about what I eat.  (Ha, that's a new trick-- watch what you eat??)
Every single friggin time I get myself going on the idea to 'diet' it TOTALLY backfires.  I got it in my head to do an Atkins/ Dukan type thing - but that just backfired.  I simple am unable to diet.

I think about K. about Lap Band Gal hero - hi K- and other major lb success stories. I know for a fact that she is not 'dieting'-- she has a way of eating that she got into a long time ago (measuring and weighing food, being careful NOT carefree for eating for the most part... with a bit of coloring outside the line here and there-- at least that's how I see it) that has allowed her to lose the weight and maintain.  This is great.

But I feel like I screwed up my chances of doing that with the lap band on some level b/c I didn't start out with weighing and measuring and I don't seem to be able to get started now.  That is not to say that I have no self-control.  It is just to acknowledge that my eating habits remain in the 'somewhat chaotic' framework, I think.
On the other hand: I believe there are some very predictable things that I do, on a daily basis, eating-wise, and over time, looking at these, I may be able to make some changes.
That's why I've decided to forego the alcohol during the week- but not at the weekends.  It's an easier 'give' during the week-- I get home in the 7pm zone and I don't really 'need' that glass of wine. I thought to myself about it yesterday and hubs offered me a drink when I got home.  No thanks-- don't need it.

So, if I consider the fact that I was having about a glass of wine (generously poured- maybe 8 oz) per day-- if I cut that out 5 days per week and add nothing back in its place, I'm saving about 160 calories per day. If I change nothing else, it will take a while to lose 1 pound-- which requires a 3500 calorie deficit, right? (About 22 days)
That's on the right track but awfully long to lose a pound-- and if I fail in any consistency on this, it will just take longer.
Therefore: I am trying to figure out something else that would shave off some more calories for me so I can speed up the weight loss.

To do that, I need to consider what I eat/ drink on habitual basis... I know I have coffee with creamer every morning-- that's probably about 60 to 70 calories when all is said and done.  But do I want to start drinking black coffee? Ugh!
The other think that I have habitually done, which is not a particular food, but a habit, is have a late evening snack after dinner-- that's simply because I am not entirely satisfied with dinner b/c I don't think I am doing dinner 'right.'
This is going to take more time-- but it may be the answer...

I have been keeping track, and on most weekdays, before I get home from work: I typically consume around 800 calories-- yeah: weirdly consistent.
Hmmmm.
One thing I could try is to switch my evening 'meal' for a few days to something predictable, like Go lean crunch with berries or eggs (breakfast for dinner.) hmmmm.  That might be filling and delicious, and I might then be able to let go of the added 'snack' if I feel like I've had 'enough' for dinner.

I am essentially thinking aloud-- so thanks for listening, but I believe I've got a potential solution here: I am going to try to sit down for a 'heartier' *I had dinner, I should not have a snack afterwards* dinner... rather than a 'well, I barely ate anything, so I can afford a snack' dinner.

Yeah.  Sounds good.
I'm on it.

Nike progress

Below, you see my Nike fuel band progress and my comments.

I am still figuring it all out- but it is a great tool to inspire me to get moving some more and reach whatever goal I've set.  The only issue I have with it is that it is hard to figure out what "Nikefuel" signifies-- that is a process.

But the bottom line is that Nike fuel can be used as a relative measure of activity- and I've set my Nikefuel goal to burn at least 3000 per day.

This seems like a good level because it takes some effort to get this accomplished (I find myself running back and forth around the house or taking an extra walk with the dog- or even running more in my run/ walks))... but it is a reachable goal. Actually: rather perfect for a 'goal' (smart: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time limited.)  :-)

But in the big picture, there is still more work to do - as my ultimate goal is always slimming down by at least a few pounds. 

So let's run through the screens I've shared below:

This is the 'week' view-- the green vertical line is my goal of 3000 nikefuel and I think you can see that I've challenged myself about accurately by the making of that goal for each day for 7 days-- but barely eeking it in a few days. I am CONSIDERING upping the amount of fuel, but am staying where I'm at right now until I think it through a bit more.

This is my NF "Trophy shelf"-- it tells my accomplishments (according to Nike)-- like if a 'soaked' a goal by doing more than 50% more than the goal and milestones of reaching a certain amount of Nike fuel over time.  This tool adds up cumulatively- which is kind of fun... I'm already over 100K NF, whatever that may mean.

Here is both the day view (as I am writing this early in the morning-- with only a brief walk with my dog under my activity belt, not even to 400 NF yet) and a view of my number of days of meeting goal (my 'streak') which is currently 7.  I don't really care much about the 24 number-- not sure, but I think that is the total number of active days. I'll sort that out - I am most concerned with keeping on pace and keeping up a long 'streak' of reaching goals that I set.

I think this one is my favorite: I am so competitive. I love to see that I am smoking women of my age in my activity level. The fact that I am doing this through MOSTLY walking and a bit of jogging shows that the users of this tool who are in my 40 to 48 age group are not major atheletes... but it still feels good and it is one of the things that is spurring me on!

... and here is the month of August.  I just realized that the colors correspond to the lap band colors for fills-- you WANT to be in the green-- red SUCKS and yellow ain't helpful neither!  So, overall: not a bad showing for August... and it is another reason I want to keep my goal consistent and attainable. I CAN DO 3000 per day- but when I pump up the expectation, I sometimes just feel like giving up because I'll 'never make it.'  Weird psychology, but very true.

Totally obsessed!

Have I written about my obsession with audiobooks? The fact that I am so in love with listening to digital book actually makes my commute (and walking / running combos) so much fun.
It is not that I don't love music-- I actually LOVE music and love to sing.  I used to perform a good bit, but never professionally, just in school productions and at coffee houses in college.
It's just that music is very sketchy for me- it brings up various emotions, and sometimes things I don't want to think about.  I know you may be envisioning a complete crazy person, but I often cry when I hear different songs. Happy tears, sad tears, regretful tears, memory tears: ugh. Can you say 'hot mess?'
Example: Do you know the song "Eye in the sky" by the Alan Parson's project?  That song makes me cry every time I hear it- and I avoid ever putting it on quite deliberately because it reminds me of a friend of my sister's who died tragically in a car accident during their high school years.
Yes: it is my SISTER's memory essentially, and I cannot even picture the guy, but I can picture his younger brother, who is my age, who subsequently had a son- many years later (I wrote about it on this blog over a year ago) who also died in an accident.  The son was a baby, who died after he choked on a piece of bread (ugh!!) ... but I've totally digressed.
What the hell was I saying?
Oh yeah: audio books and my obsession.

In case you haven't figured out by now: I am a very intense type of person and I typically don't do anything halfway.  I don't *try* to be intense-- it just happens.  Example: when I started my running career at age 26ish, I recall reading every single thing I could get my hands on (this was before the interwebs made it so simple) about running.  It just occupied every free space in my brain.

And now: at nearly 42 years old (October, y'all) I am OBSESSED with audiobooks, and, right now: with Michael Connelly police procedurals-- though I've strayed to the rest of his series as well, so I'm reading the Harry Bosch series and have dabbled in Mickey Haller and Jack McEvoy too.
Do you know these mystery, somewhat thriller, police procedural novels? If not, and you enjoy reading... give Connelly a whirl.  I love and am totally hooked on these books.
Fortunately: Harry Bosch books are contemporary novels that Connelly wrote (as in, they take place at the same time they are written... and Connelly has been prolific and written one per year) annually since 1994.  There is even a new one that came out this year.  I believe there are 19 or 20 books-- and I am into book four.  I dread the end of this series-- so I am looking for any good suggestions of books that would read like Connelly's.

Note: I've tried Jonathan Kellerman's "Gone." Hated it.
I like James Patterson books, but they are a little more cartoonish and not written in quite the same level of sophisticated style as Connelly's. That is not to say Patterson isn't entertaining-- he can really spin a tail, but he just gets tiresome more quickly than the Bosch series.

So I'm asking for any recommendations... let me know what else might be gripping, and ideally: a series.
However: I would be willing to try a fabulous stand alone book or books too.  I listen to everything, but I just find that crime/ mystery/ thriller genre lends itself great to a car ride or a walk/ jog.  You're so entranced, the time flies by.

Enough of the books: yesterday was a total shit day for me band wise, sorry to say.  It is all due to a stupid choice, very early in the day, to try to eat some delicious pasta salad (is that an oxymoron? Delicious + Pasta Salad= not imaginable...???) that I made the night before.
This pasta salad had totally yummy and fresh ingredients in it: fresh herbs and spices: (parsley, garlic, onion, lemon), fresh red and orange peppers, olive oil, tri-color pasta, fresh mozzarella, salami-- it was an 'antipasto pasta salad' and it was beautiful and good.
Well: I decided I wanted some in the morning-- and I still haven't outgrown the desire (though I cannot accomplish it and my band will totally stop me) to gobble down carby, fatty goodness like that in the pasta salad.
Le sigh.
I tried this, not thinking clearly enough-- and voila: pasta salad stuck, came back up (ugh, I know, gross) and I felt irritated and sick.  It kind of ruined my day- at least to some extent and I really hate when and if that happens... especially hate if I have a bad band experience in the morning because it colors how I am feeling all day. Bleh.

But today is a new day and I am philosophically viewing it as a reboot/ reminder to be super careful and healthy with my band.  I'll be sticking with some good soups and anything solid that I choose I will be eating slowly, chewing a TON and being careful.  It is all good-- my day should be very healthy as a result.  So far, so good at (only) nearly 8am, I've just had coffee and am not hungry anyway. When I do eat, I will keep it simple and healthy and band mindful.

Alright-- enough blabbing for now... off to keep researching more books for when my time with Harry Bosch will sadly come to an end. Glad to say, each book is at least 12 hours of listening-- and I have many more to go before I "run out" of his books on audio!

On being a 'closer'

I have got to figure out a better blogging routine, as I truly love to share and read everyone else's stories, triumphs and struggles alike.
The trouble is that during the week when I'm at my 'place I go' - the internet is monitored.  Fortunately, I can access blogs, and could even write to my blog- blogger is not one of the blocked site (think: Facebook, Yahoo email-- anything universally amusing or meant to connect with the outer world-- you should be w*rking, dammit.)  According to the person in charge of the entire place, to whom I report, we can even ask for access 'as needed' to the 'forbidden' sites, but I've learned so much in the past year and half that I know better to just leave it.  It's the same as applying for the excessively detailed and mine-field-laden 'early leave on Fridays' summer 'policy.'  Who needs it and it is just a trap-- in fact, we were told by the person in charge that the expectation was 'of course' WE'D never ask to leave early on a Friday.. we're too dedicated to having our asses in our chairs or something.  Ha ha,  Talk about drinking your own kool-aid (which is a favored expression where I am during the week-- as in "she's drinking their kool-aid and not getting what she needs to do because she is not listening to US." )
Puke.  That is SO not my style.  But at the same time: I've learned to be incredibly grateful for my current position- what I love is that one day per week, I've arranged to do the thing I do from home.  That is a treasure for me.... and I can actually round it back to the unreasonableness of the person in charge when I started where I'm at... because of that, I creatively figured out a way to get what was promised in the first place and get a legal guarantee of my right to do the thing from home weekly.
I know I am being vague, but if you know me, then you know that I keep these things very vague so that even if they're discovered by anyone- they can do little damage.

I will get back to the 'Art of War' another time, as it is an essential in my day to day arsenal.

Anyhow: my struggle is the desire for instant gratification of blogging.  Sound familiar? (ahem: think brownies, potato chips and any other junk you might eat-- instant mouth pleasure.)
I know that I can actually draft a blog post and post it later in the day when I return home, but I am not as into doing that. I like to dash off my thoughts, post them up and feel good that I finished the entire process.
I guess I am super task completion oriented, it probably makes me excellent at my 'place I go'-- I am a closer.  But being a closer has its down sides.

I can actually philosophically apply being a closer to my overall work on my health in my life, my weight, and anything else where I tend to give myself a beating for an imperfect outcome.  And I can see that being a closer is interfering with my desire to share with my blogging community.  I actually see tremendous value in continuing to blog - I am getting close to 3 years banded (January 2010 was my band date)- and I want to be able to share one of the true stories.
(I would say I am 'moderately successful' from the band surgery perspective - that's another story altogether... but I am happy and better off than where I started, that is for certain!)

You see: being a closer and focusing on the end game does result in success oftentimes- but it also prevents you from noticing the experience and appreciating it while you're in it.  "Smelling the roses" is actually something that I am trying to learn in my day to day life.   I think I am maturing or something weird like that.

I think I've grown a lot in the past several years, and I am happy to share that with you all.  One of the key lessons I've learned is about identifying what's important to 'battle' and what is not worth it.  This is an ongoing process and I'll be in it for life- but it is a kinder, gentler inner life than the one I used to have.

I am probably not making a ton of sense but I wanted to share this notion this morning and get back to blogging-- it has been a week, and that is not my ideal.  I'd prefer to use some time each day to reflect on my thoughts and share-- my inner life is pretty complicated, and it is great to be able to write it out and consider it moving ahead.  Have a great Saturday, who knows: you may see me here again later for a 2 post kind of day.
Cheers!

It's date night

Protein rich, band friendly recipe-- breakfast style

Hi-- I should have taken a picture before I ate my breakfast, it made me 'band proud!'
Here is my recipe for egg white salad with bacon 'crackers'-- this is simple and quick to prepare and yummy.

Egg white salad (makes about 2 servings-- my measurements may not be perfect, so don't use them as exact, they are estimates)
about 1 cup of egg whites (can buy egg whites already separated from the store-- super easy, no yolk waste!)
a few shakes of garlic powder to taste
dill weed (dried)
mustard
reduced calorie mayonnaise
salt/ pepper to taste

Bacon crackers:
Center cut bacon (thick cut best)

To prep the egg white salad:
Pour egg whites into a microwave save bowl and add a dash or two of garlic powder
Cook in microwave on high for about 1 minute
(Carefully check about halfway through and again at 1 minute)

The goal for these egg whites is for them to be firm but not dried out...

When done, carefully remove firmed up egg whites from microwave (they are HOT) and scoop into a mixing bowl.  Add about 1 tablespoon of reduced calorie mayonnaise, 1 tsp or so of mustard, and a few shakes of dill week. Dash of salt and Pepper to taste.
Use fork to combine and 'chop' to a egg salad chop consistency.
Set aside or cool in fridge... it is good warm or cold.

Bacon crackers
Cook 2 slices of center cut bacon on high in microwave for 2 minutes.  While being careful not to burn the bacon, cook as much fat off of the bacon as possible for a crisped and 'cracker' like consistency (basically making it as crisp as a chip or cracker.)

Enjoy your bacon 'crackers' and egg-white salad together-- the 'crackers' can be used to scoop the egg salad up. Mmmm!

Note: this would be a nice and complete breakfast with a few strawberries or blueberries thrown in for fiber.  As for me: today I just had the egg white salad and bacon... fruit a bit later.

Feeling righteous.

As a note: I have found in my 'diet' travels that it is best to find the foods that work (and most diets don't take the band limitations into consideration.) So, I'm carefully trying to ensure that I can eat what I prepare-- because if I make myself something to eat, with good intentions of having a healthy meal, and then I can't get it down or have difficulty with it-- I am prone to getting aggravated and then eating the WRONG things.
I am quite the flawed human, y'all.

So, as I said above, this recipe worked great for me this morning-- and I am glad that I had great protein and a flavorful breakfast that I feel good to have eaten. (Yes, I suppose there are healthier choices than bacon-- but two slices of center cut bacon are hardly taking me to nutrition hell.)

Off to shower! (Did about a 45 minute walk this am and it is hot and humid here-- got sweaty!)

better mood!

I'm in a better mood, if not a totally perfect/ better place with eating.
It occurs to me that I need a damn routine-- I keep changing and changing.  I was most successful for a long period of time when I did the same thing based on 'fear' of the band.

I'm reminded that rice, bread, pasta and sticky stuff just don't work with the band-- and when thinking that through, combined with the protein needs-- lower carb plan is where its at.
I just wanted to share real quick.

I wish it were easier to log!

I haven't found the answer-- are you getting annoyed with me yet?
I am annoyed with me about this.... but I also understand that logging is HARD and that is why it is not always a successful venture.

I logged ALL of my food through dinner last night-- and then fell right off the track of logging.
Now: meaner or less forgiving individuals might just say 'well, just do it'-- but somehow: it's not working.

Perhaps, because it is so easy for me to log during the DAY, I should concentrate all of my best energy on logging at night?
Of course: another answer is to decide what I'm going to eat at night, and then limit it to that list of foods/ portions for a few days, and THEN it will be easy to log.
All good thoughts-- but which is the answer? Maybe all of them are the answer?

Have you ever wished you were someone else? I am having one of those moments... I wish I were not this stupid person who had to worry about these things. But that is a trap as well: by the time anyone is in her 40's, she needs to be taking care of her eating and focusing on keeping things under control lest the middle age spread come about.  The 40's= The great equalizer in weight control.

The only difference is that those who were skinny or the right weight their whole lives are just starting up their journey of discovery of weight control-- they might even be rightly challenged or excited! I am not either of these... I am just annoyed.
Sigh.

I'm glad I"m posting this-- this is the true story of someone with a lap band, close to 3 years out.  It works if you work it, and the harder and better you work it, the better it works.
Every day is a new day-- including this day. I hope to have a better report for y'all later or tomorrow.
Until then: stay tuned.

My net diary

Cool calorie tracking ap. that I just downloaded - I'm just working on logging every bite.
Onward!

Nike fuel report

Here I am sharing with you my NikeFuel progress reporting to date.

You may be asking, as am I, 'what the hell is NikeFuel anyway?'  .... and I cannot tell you because I am not sure, and I don't entirely trust the step counts and don't know what the calories burned means.

What I do know is that that NikeFuel rating is a relative value (at least for me)-- and as you can see below, I am averaging about 3400 'NF' per day.. I've been tinkering with my goal, and generally, I am working on 3600 during the week and 5000 NF during the weekend... I hit my 'goal' for a streak of time.  That ended yesterday, which was a 'lazier' day.

The Fuelband is definitely motivating me to move more and for that, I think it is an awesome device, but it is going to take some more time to figure out how to have it help me lose weight through movement. One 'step' at a time.

Any and all suggestions are happily listened to! (Note: my competitive self is thrilled that I am beating the ass of most people my age!)

Freak out weight, me and my fuel and molecular gastronomy

Thanks to our adorable Amy, Cheese and Sunkist Goddess, we are now batting around a new phrase (or should we thank Heather, who actually came up with the phrase? You decide...)

"Freak out Weight"

As with anything funny in my brain, I am now calling it "Le Freak out Weight" (pronounced "L-eh" -- not "Lee" to be very, very precise...and let you into my head).

This is an interesting concept that Amy shared on her blog- and it is probably self-explanatory, but in case it is not:
Your 'freak out weight' is the weight that you see on the scale where you have a horrible reaction/ anxiety attack/ start crying/ decide to starve yourself right now/ have some equally soul-killing thoughts based on a stupid number on the scale that indicates you've gained enough weight to reach to scare yourself sillly.

I have a freak out weight-- it is currently 168 pounds... and I've hit it a few times in recent months- and it has helped me to get myself repeatedly back on track.

That said: the trouble with le freak out weight is that it is a somewhat moving target.
I have had other, lower and higher, freak out weights.

I recall 'freaking out' when I stepped on the scale after freshman year and weighed 157 pounds-- gasp! (I wish I weighed that now.)
I think I've 'freaked out' from weighing as little as 143 pounds on my frame-- which is actually 'normal.'
I know I've 'freaked out' from weighing 185, 196, and finally 203 pounds... so those have all been in play at one time or another.

Oh: and I forgot-- I believe that the 160's should have been a freak out for me after reaching as low as 157ish while banded.
Do you see where I am going with this?

Maybe, maybe not, because there is more than one message here.  On one hand: I believe having a freak out weight is really good-- Le Freak out weight is an excellent tool for sitting up and taking notice that shit is going south and you better eat right and straighten out NOW.

On the other hand, since the freak out weight can change and grow-- it is easy, if you are prone to 'weight gain denial' (raise your hand if you are in that club with me) -- the freak out weight is only as good as your memorialization of said weight and your willingness to get on a scale!

Bottom line: it is TOUGH because if it were easy to maintain one's weight, we'd all be skinny and staying there by now. But we all know it is not easy, and those of us further out from our band surgeries see that the stats don't lie and it is often hard to maintain the lowest weight reached.  It is NOT impossible though: and it is NOT shameful (I keep saying this) to keep trying and keep working as you try to keep your weight down.
This is the message I keep saying to myself.
I'm using all the tools in my arsenal-- while also doing contrary things-- like eating too much at times and eating the wrong choices at times, because I am human (sorry) to keep my weight down,

I am sorry if this is scattered, I am not through my first cup of coffee yet and I am tired out.
Just wanted to share said rant.

I will end here, with a total non-sequitor: I have to share a funny haiku that I read on Facebook- I think it is awesome:

"I have a head cold. Sudafed is tough to buy. Guess I'll shoot myself." - a gun control haiku


*Meetings update: not going to happen, and I'm stopping with 'meetings' for now and staying put for the time being.  Too much trouble to move at the moment and I just need a rest from the whole search.  Besides: I've adjusted to where I'm at, and it is ok day to day. I've learned how to deal with the difficult personality stuff pretty well.*

Damn I need to post more...

I am still in it-- and I keep thinking: I've gotta post, I've gotta post.
And then I feel like I shouldn't because I've lost so much ground with being in contact with so many people-- not to mention my total 'stuckness' at 166.
Groan.

I mean: I am glad I am not stuck at 185, 170 or whatever: but it is discouraging to be virtually 10 pounds up from my lowest weight after banding.
I am not giving up but I keep on restrategizing all the time.

The latest experiment has been working with my Nike fuel band-- and low and behold, it is not helping me take off any pounds.  Why: because exercise alone simply will not do it.

For any and all of you out there who are like: *Headsmack*-- why are you such a moron? Eat less, and you will lose weight.
Thanks a lot!
I wish it were that simple-- but it is not.

But I'll keep on trying and I'll try to keep the blame and shame to a minimum as I sort things through... I just don't want to put on another pound and I really want to gradually climb back down that scale.
 I believe there is a wire I can trip in myself, but this week is definitely wrong for reasons related to stress that I cannot discuss on my blog.

Suffice it to say that I am taking meetings again-- and have been for several months-- but not sure if anything will bear fruit. We will see.

I know that making any changes in my weekly place I go would probably kick off some major motivation in the way of needing to do some serious suit shopping-- but let's take a step at a time, as I've been doing this dance (with different partners!) for a while.

Le sigh.
Keep on keeping on band friends.

Nike-Love!

Here you see my 2 day old Nike+ band and my report for the day so far.

This thing is totally awesome!!!

I have been doing my walking every morning- and to boot: now I have this cool tool to track my progress and when I am active and so on.

It already motivated me to go from 50 minutes to 60 minutes on my walk today-- I want that NikeFuel and my steps to be up there.

I think that the steps may be somewhat off (and on the high side) but it is all relative-- and what I really want to see is that I can increase activity over time.  I don't think I can probably find much more TIME in each day to exercise, as I am now walking at least 45 minutes per day (if not 60 minutes).... but I know that the band will pick up greater intensity AND my activity while I am at my desk j0b.  

The idea is to keep moving and earning the NikeFuel...anyhow: this is such a fun device, though many call it an expensive and glorified pedometer-- it is PERFECT for little ol me.