Freak out weight, me and my fuel and molecular gastronomy

Thanks to our adorable Amy, Cheese and Sunkist Goddess, we are now batting around a new phrase (or should we thank Heather, who actually came up with the phrase? You decide...)

"Freak out Weight"

As with anything funny in my brain, I am now calling it "Le Freak out Weight" (pronounced "L-eh" -- not "Lee" to be very, very precise...and let you into my head).

This is an interesting concept that Amy shared on her blog- and it is probably self-explanatory, but in case it is not:
Your 'freak out weight' is the weight that you see on the scale where you have a horrible reaction/ anxiety attack/ start crying/ decide to starve yourself right now/ have some equally soul-killing thoughts based on a stupid number on the scale that indicates you've gained enough weight to reach to scare yourself sillly.

I have a freak out weight-- it is currently 168 pounds... and I've hit it a few times in recent months- and it has helped me to get myself repeatedly back on track.

That said: the trouble with le freak out weight is that it is a somewhat moving target.
I have had other, lower and higher, freak out weights.

I recall 'freaking out' when I stepped on the scale after freshman year and weighed 157 pounds-- gasp! (I wish I weighed that now.)
I think I've 'freaked out' from weighing as little as 143 pounds on my frame-- which is actually 'normal.'
I know I've 'freaked out' from weighing 185, 196, and finally 203 pounds... so those have all been in play at one time or another.

Oh: and I forgot-- I believe that the 160's should have been a freak out for me after reaching as low as 157ish while banded.
Do you see where I am going with this?

Maybe, maybe not, because there is more than one message here.  On one hand: I believe having a freak out weight is really good-- Le Freak out weight is an excellent tool for sitting up and taking notice that shit is going south and you better eat right and straighten out NOW.

On the other hand, since the freak out weight can change and grow-- it is easy, if you are prone to 'weight gain denial' (raise your hand if you are in that club with me) -- the freak out weight is only as good as your memorialization of said weight and your willingness to get on a scale!

Bottom line: it is TOUGH because if it were easy to maintain one's weight, we'd all be skinny and staying there by now. But we all know it is not easy, and those of us further out from our band surgeries see that the stats don't lie and it is often hard to maintain the lowest weight reached.  It is NOT impossible though: and it is NOT shameful (I keep saying this) to keep trying and keep working as you try to keep your weight down.
This is the message I keep saying to myself.
I'm using all the tools in my arsenal-- while also doing contrary things-- like eating too much at times and eating the wrong choices at times, because I am human (sorry) to keep my weight down,

I am sorry if this is scattered, I am not through my first cup of coffee yet and I am tired out.
Just wanted to share said rant.

I will end here, with a total non-sequitor: I have to share a funny haiku that I read on Facebook- I think it is awesome:

"I have a head cold. Sudafed is tough to buy. Guess I'll shoot myself." - a gun control haiku


*Meetings update: not going to happen, and I'm stopping with 'meetings' for now and staying put for the time being.  Too much trouble to move at the moment and I just need a rest from the whole search.  Besides: I've adjusted to where I'm at, and it is ok day to day. I've learned how to deal with the difficult personality stuff pretty well.*