On being a 'closer'

I have got to figure out a better blogging routine, as I truly love to share and read everyone else's stories, triumphs and struggles alike.
The trouble is that during the week when I'm at my 'place I go' - the internet is monitored.  Fortunately, I can access blogs, and could even write to my blog- blogger is not one of the blocked site (think: Facebook, Yahoo email-- anything universally amusing or meant to connect with the outer world-- you should be w*rking, dammit.)  According to the person in charge of the entire place, to whom I report, we can even ask for access 'as needed' to the 'forbidden' sites, but I've learned so much in the past year and half that I know better to just leave it.  It's the same as applying for the excessively detailed and mine-field-laden 'early leave on Fridays' summer 'policy.'  Who needs it and it is just a trap-- in fact, we were told by the person in charge that the expectation was 'of course' WE'D never ask to leave early on a Friday.. we're too dedicated to having our asses in our chairs or something.  Ha ha,  Talk about drinking your own kool-aid (which is a favored expression where I am during the week-- as in "she's drinking their kool-aid and not getting what she needs to do because she is not listening to US." )
Puke.  That is SO not my style.  But at the same time: I've learned to be incredibly grateful for my current position- what I love is that one day per week, I've arranged to do the thing I do from home.  That is a treasure for me.... and I can actually round it back to the unreasonableness of the person in charge when I started where I'm at... because of that, I creatively figured out a way to get what was promised in the first place and get a legal guarantee of my right to do the thing from home weekly.
I know I am being vague, but if you know me, then you know that I keep these things very vague so that even if they're discovered by anyone- they can do little damage.

I will get back to the 'Art of War' another time, as it is an essential in my day to day arsenal.

Anyhow: my struggle is the desire for instant gratification of blogging.  Sound familiar? (ahem: think brownies, potato chips and any other junk you might eat-- instant mouth pleasure.)
I know that I can actually draft a blog post and post it later in the day when I return home, but I am not as into doing that. I like to dash off my thoughts, post them up and feel good that I finished the entire process.
I guess I am super task completion oriented, it probably makes me excellent at my 'place I go'-- I am a closer.  But being a closer has its down sides.

I can actually philosophically apply being a closer to my overall work on my health in my life, my weight, and anything else where I tend to give myself a beating for an imperfect outcome.  And I can see that being a closer is interfering with my desire to share with my blogging community.  I actually see tremendous value in continuing to blog - I am getting close to 3 years banded (January 2010 was my band date)- and I want to be able to share one of the true stories.
(I would say I am 'moderately successful' from the band surgery perspective - that's another story altogether... but I am happy and better off than where I started, that is for certain!)

You see: being a closer and focusing on the end game does result in success oftentimes- but it also prevents you from noticing the experience and appreciating it while you're in it.  "Smelling the roses" is actually something that I am trying to learn in my day to day life.   I think I am maturing or something weird like that.

I think I've grown a lot in the past several years, and I am happy to share that with you all.  One of the key lessons I've learned is about identifying what's important to 'battle' and what is not worth it.  This is an ongoing process and I'll be in it for life- but it is a kinder, gentler inner life than the one I used to have.

I am probably not making a ton of sense but I wanted to share this notion this morning and get back to blogging-- it has been a week, and that is not my ideal.  I'd prefer to use some time each day to reflect on my thoughts and share-- my inner life is pretty complicated, and it is great to be able to write it out and consider it moving ahead.  Have a great Saturday, who knows: you may see me here again later for a 2 post kind of day.
Cheers!